AM I AN ARTIST? A blog about imposter syndrome, creativity, and pressure.

Any creative will know this feeling. That lingering question: Am I allowed to call myself an artist? Am I “artsy” enough? Or am I just pretending to be, selling myself as something that I am not and, therefore, taking up someone else’s space that deserves it way more than me?

That’s the low confidence speaking there. That little voice that constantly tries to push you down, trample you to the ground and keep you there. Most days we can manage that voice quite well. We hear it and immediately respond to it saying: “No, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I am an artist, there’s no question about it”. However, some other days that voice really gets to us. You are currently working on a piece and you hear the voice whispering all kinds of nasty things in your ear. “You call that art?”, “A 5-year old could’ve painted that”, “Are you ever gonna find your style?” “Is this meant to look realistic?”.

Although, most days I am able to shut it down, on the days that I’m not, it hurts just the more. Yes, yes, you’re right. A 5-year old could’ve painted this. Who am I kidding? I’m never gonna make it. Who would want to pay money for this piece of crap? It’s all just for nothing. My friends say: “just paint for fun then! It doesn’t all have to be about a career”. Yeah, sure… “fun”! That’s easier said than done when you currently feel all your artistic confidence slowly getting crushed under a deep, dark shadow. In those moments you would rather do anything but paint. You just want to run away from your art because every time you look at it you feel like it will haunt you and never let you go.

I have done many things in life. Some I have enjoyed and some I was good at - so good that I could make it a career. I enjoy singing and making music and I enjoy playing sports. But I was never good enough to make it a career. I was great at working academically at university. But I never enjoyed it enough to pursue a career in research. When I started painting, for the first time I realised that it doesn’t have to be one or the other. I can enjoy something and be good at it?! I need to remind myself of this constantly.

Of course we have our off days, of course we drown in low confidence sometimes. But does this mean that we should stop doing something that we love? I am an artist, despite my off days. I am an artist, despite the fact that sometimes I want to do anything but paint. I am an artist, despite not making a full-time wage off my art. I am an artist because I live art. I love art. I am art. I turn to art. I feel art. That is why I need to keep pushing. And that is why I am an artist.